Open Letter to Mitt Romney

Dear Mitt Romney:

What's up dude? Remember when you were the religious weirdo? Anyway, I don't have cable anymore, so I don't watch any 24-hour political news channels. I pick up most of my news from twitter and this guy Rich at work who has a boot fetish and doesn't seem to like you very much. He's into Michelle Bachmann, but I remind you of the boot thing. He really does like boots.

On another note, do you like to wear boots? I bet you could get a couple votes if you wore some really high-quality, fine leather boots.

Yes, so, as I was saying, I stopped paying attention to the Republican race months ago. I do get to catch the ocasional clip of Rick Perry acting goofy or Herman Cain forgetting stuff and sexing women. Oh man, and those pictures of Michele Bachmann and her husband eating corn dogs? Did you see those? That was crazy funny. Spock, set phasers to LOL, am I right? Anyway, moving on. I tried to find out more about Rick Santorum in order to inform myself on the candidates. That guy is fucked up. It's quite a mixture of shit on the internet about that guy.

So, let me get to my point. Are you going to run for president this year? I haven't heard anything from you at all. All I know is you were in Iowa doing some weird state fair straw-drawing game. Quit wasting your time with those bumpkins and get in the race, bro! Go on Funny or Die or something.

Sincerely,

Kevin Lester

P.S. Tweet me.

P.P.S. think about the boots.